


Rip it Up

by giventothewhite (FYWC)



Category: The Maccabees
Genre: M/M, Uni AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FYWC/pseuds/giventothewhite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First year at University is always exciting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song “Rip it up” that The Maccabees covered in 2009. In the track by track video Hugo said that he used to listen to that song a lot and that it inspired One Hand Holding.

“Oh my god, I’m sooo excited!,” Felix exclaimed with a big grin on his face.

 

“Calm down, Fe, it’s just uni… Nothing to be excited about. It’s just like school only with more partying and drugs…,” said his younger brother calmly. But nothing was going to ruin Felix’s mood.

“That’s easy for you to say, Hugo! You ‘re just out of school, I had to wait two years so that we could start uni together! I can’t wait to stay up all night to write my papers and then go to parties and meet new people!”

 

“You are so cute sometimes, Fe! As if you are really interested in studying… I mean, no one is!”

 

“Yeah, that’s what you say with your artsy fartsy Product Design course! I’m doing sociology! A proper course!,” Felix insisted but his little brother just laughed it off and lit himself a cigarette.

 

“So what about a house warming party next week? We need to get to know some people around here. Let’s ask our flatmates if they would be up for it! A small party at our flat would be a perfect start!,” suggested Hugo while they walked towards the university building.

 

“Definitely! You bring your art school pothead friends and I bring cool people! Ha!”

 

“Whatever…”

 

“What time are you gonna be back home? Should I cook?”

 

“Uhm I don’t really know. Where do I have to go anyway?,” Hugo asked and Felix shook his head. Sometimes his brother was unbelievable!

 

“Hugo, what would you do without me? You are 18 now, I can’t always organise your shit, you know? You have your first course in building 2 and please, please make some friends, ok? I can’t always look after you!”

 

“It’s your fault that I’m like this! You always did everything for me when we were little! You totally spoilt me!”

 

The two brothers laughed because they knew what Hugo said was true. Felix always had loved taking care of his brothers. He tried to ignore the sting in his heart when he thought about their youngest brother William and the fact that they had to leave him behind when they had moved down to Brighton to start university. But it was the only solution. Felix had already waited two years to be able to study together with Hugo because he didn’t have the heart to leave the most precious thing in his life, his little brothers, behind.

 

“Oh, I remember now! I have lessons until 5pm! And you? Can we ride home together?”

 

“What sense would that make? You never talk to me anyway when you ride your bike!,” Felix pouted.

 

“Yeah, because your endless babbling totally ruins the atmosphere!,” said Hugo matter-of-factly.

 

“The atmosphere???,” Felix shrieked in his highest voice, crossed his arms in front of his chest and shot hit brother a fake evil look. “I mean, I always knew you loved your bike more than me…”

 

“Oh shut it, Fe! I would love to ride home with you! So will you wait for me then?,” asked Hugo nicely.

 

“Of course, my little darling! I will always wait for you and you know that!,” replied Felix in a cheesy manner and placed his hand over his chest.

 

“Feehee, stop that! What if someone sees you!,” Hugo looked around nervously but none of the other students seemed to take notice of his brother’s ridiculous behaviour.

 

“Are you ashamed of me, dear brother? I would quote some Shakespeare stuff now but I didn’t pay attention in Lit.”

 

“Hey, that was my favourite subject! But no, of course I’m not ashamed of you, Fe, and now off you go! We can meet next to the bike station at like 5:15pm.”

 

“Yeah fine, see you then, honey!”

 

“I said stop it!”

 

Grinning stupidly the two brothers parted ways to head to their respective classrooms. Despite their little banter they knew that the next few years were going to be the best ones of their lives and they couldn’t wait to dive right into the wild student life.

 

 

 

More than on time Felix arrived at their bikes at 5:10 pm and waited for his brother to join him. He only stood there for a few minutes when it suddenly started to rain. No, it started to piss like crazy and Felix was wet like a dog before he could even think of a safe, dry place where Hugo could find him. And of course he hadn’t brought a jacket or an umbrella. It was only September after all and even though Felix often liked to play the responsible one, he wasn’t perfect either. He had no other option than to take it like a man and wait in the rain for his brother and watch all of Hugo’s classmates leave the building (Felix didn’t actually know any of Hugo’s course mates but judging by their clothes and attitude, they were definitely art students…) but his brother wasn’t with them.

 

Said brother arrived only 15 minutes late, enough time for Felix to think of a hundred evil ways to make Hugo pay back. By that time the sudden rain had already stopped and the sun was shining again. Felix shook his head as Hugo approached him, completely dry and with a shy smile on his face. Maybe they should swap names because his younger brother surely had had more luck with the weather.

 

 

“Sorry, got lost…”, mumbled Hugo as an apology and hugged the wet Felix to show his regret.

Felix shook his long strands of hair so that some raindrops flew in Hugo’s direction. The younger brother giggled and Felix’s day was made again.

 

“Oh no, my saddle got wet! Felix why didn’t you do anything!”

 

“You…what? Look at me, Hu! I’m soaking wet and you worry about your stupid bike! It’s just a bike, it doesn’t mind rain!”

 

“Fe, do you have an idea what kind of saddle this is and who I had to kill for that? It can’t get wet or the leather will break! You, on the other hand, you could use some rain, maybe you will grow a bit!,” said Hugo to mock his brother in a loving way.

 

“Oi! I’m taller than you!”

 

“Yeah but you’re 20 already… You’re an old man. Soon you’ll start to shrink, whereas I am in the prime of my life! Do you have a tissue?”

 

“You are unbelievable, Hugo! But whatever, I’ve known that for 18 years, no surprise anymore. Anyway have you met any cute guys you want to invite to our party? My class is sooo boring!”

 

“You mean my new artsy fartsy stoner friends are more interesting than your cool friends?”

 

“Maybe?”

 

“Yeah well, there are some cool guys. More blokes than I expected. I had some classes with a guy from London, he’s alright, but we don’t talk. He studies Illustration.”

 

“Oh isn’t that what Will wants to do, too?”

 

“Yeah, I think. Oh and I also met two funny girls from Wales and some local kids. It’s hard to say on the first day… And you? Did you meet any cool people?”

  
“Hmmm, can’t really tell. The coolest guy I met probably was the guy at the coffee machine,” sighed Felix.

“Oh Felix… I bet this was love at first sight!,” said Hugo mockingly.

 

“Nah, he wasn’t my type. Way too… manly. I can’t start to date right now. I need to explore… and keep my options open!”

 

Hugo laughed whole-heartedly as they rode home to their flat which they shared with another two art students. One was called Robert and known as the local drug dealer (that’s why Hugo and Felix had chosen him as their potential flatmate. Especially Hugo was quite keen on having Rob around.)

Their other flatmate was a rich exchange student from New York called Matthew. He only had arrived a week ago but had already told everyone four or eight times that his father designs shoes for Beyoncé. Much to everyone’s disliking Matt had brought his acoustic guitar with him and wasted no opportunity to play the same three songs all over again. But both Matt and Robert were cool guys and the brothers were sure they were going to have a great time together in their chaos flatshare.


	2. Chapter 2

After the first week of university had passed the initial excitement and nervousness had left and the brothers had gotten used to their new everyday life. The only exciting thought was planning their houseparty. In the last few days they had somehow joined a clique of other freshers. That group consisted of Felix’s coffee machine friend Sam and his tall room mate Rupert, their flatmates Robert and Matt (who already had all the girls at his feet), the Welsh girls Llew and Shiannon and Hugo’s quiet course mate Orlando, who was friends with Robert, too. Hugo got on the best with the shy but talented boy and they had this deal where they would barely speak and understand each other without words. They were really bonding over the midday spliff that they shared every Friday before they had the most boring class ever together.

 

With that normality in his life now Felix was a bit surprised and very excited when he found a letter with his only his name written on it in a neat handwriting in his letterbox on Saturday morning. He quickly opened it only to find just a little note in it.

 

 

_When I first saw you, something stirred within me_

_You were standing sultry in the rain_

 

 

Felix turned the note around but the backside was empty. No name, no other hint who could have written this cryptic thing. Of course Felix’s first instinct was to call his brother.

“Hugo? Have you gotten bored of being an artist and tried your luck as a poet? And if you did, I’m sorry to tell you, but you are shit!”

 

“Shut up, Fe, you’re talking nonsense again! I’m sleeping!,” Hugo shouted from his bedroom.

Felix didn’t ask his brother again because the handwriting wasn’t Hugo’s. He continued to think ten more minutes about the mysterious riddle and who could have written it but he was no Sherlock Holmes. He put the note in the pocket of his trousers and had forgotten about it the next second. His attention span had never really been that long and there were more important things going on in his head right now.

He had a party to organise!

 

And what a party this was! The best fresher’s party ever held in Brighton! Or that’s what Felix told everyone because this was the only uni party he had ever been to in Brighton. But it was definitely a good one!

There had been lots of booze and weed involved and good music! Oh, how Felix had enjoyed finally being at a party with good music. The guests had all behaved “properly” and nothing had gone broken. Success! Felix had to admit that these art students friends of his little brother knew how to party! Especially Robert and his friends turned out to be true party animals whereas Matt moped in the corner and used his iPhone to take pictures of himself.

 

Sadly Felix’s memory started to lack at a certain point of the night and Hugo had to tell him later that Felix had thrown up several times but being the good little brother he was Hugo had been there for him and had held his mane back. Felix had sighed when Hugo had told him this. It wasn’t the throwing up part that bothered him, it was the fact that Hugo would now make another hundred jokes of Felix being a lightweight and not being able to handle his liquor (which was true but still too embarrassing).

From what the absolutely hungover Hugo and Robert told him the next morning, his guests had been quite impressed with Felix’s juggling and dancing skills and were looking forward to the next party in their party flat.

Felix made a mental note to ask Hugo more about last night and if he might have done something like making out with someone. Or if Hugo had made out with someone. Felix had been so busy with himself that he had barely seen his little brother over the course of the night, which worried him to some extend.

But Hugo was still in a half-coma and so were the other too. Why was he the only morning person in their flat? Usually that was a good thing because he could be the first to take a shower but over the weekend it could get a bit boring and lonely. And during the week he couldn’t talk to anyone if he valued his life.

 

So Felix started to clean up the flat by himself. He’d already had three cups of coffee, this was no problem for him. In the living room he found enough bottles to throw another party and he happily put the alcohol in the store room and three beers in the fridge.

When he opened the fridge he noticed that someone had pinned a note on there. That wasn’t really an unusual thing because Hugo always pinned the grocery shopping lists on there (they had this simple routine where Felix would do the grocery shopping and Hugo the dish-washing). Most of the time you could barely find Hugo’s list as the fridge was full of Matt’s little poems that he wrote on the computer and than printed them out. Felix suspected that Matt only did that to play the mysterious and intellectual exchange student from a foreign country.

But the note definitely had the same handwriting as the one in Felix’s letterbox the other day.

 

 

_Felix_

_If I could have held you, I would have held you_

 

 

Just one sentence this time. Felix had to sit down because thinking hurt too much in this state.

Who would write him these little notes? It had to be Hugo! After all Hugo had had to hold him last night! That cheeky boy had changed his handwriting so Felix wouldn’t notice it’s him.

But that still wouldn’t explain why Hugo was doing this. And just because this note sounded like Hugo could have written it, it didn’t fit to the first message.

So it had to be Matt! That would totally fit his personality! Writing sneaky, pretentious notes and leaving them secretly somewhere. Maybe Matt’s printer had stopped working and he had to do it the more rudimental way.

 

Scratching his stubble, Felix took the note and went searching for the other one which he quickly found in his trousers. That was the good thing about wearing the same pair of trousers every day!

He went to Matt’s room, wanting to brutally wake up the NY boy and ask him about the notes only to find Matt’s bed empty. The bed was still made so it was unlikely that Matt had slept in there last night. Maybe he had gone back to a girl’s place.

 

So Felix couldn’t ask Matt about the notes. But he had to find out who was writing him these cryptic messages! Maybe they were love letters? Pretty low for declarations of love, Felix thought, they could at least sing hymns on his glorious hair! Even Matt’s poetry was better than that!

He would find out who wrote them and then show them how to write a proper love letter. He suspected it could also be Rob (he was worse with words than Felix but his handwriting wasn’t this pretty) or maybe one of the Welsh girls.

But first Felix needed another coffee. And a shower. And maybe another coffee. Then he could risk waking up Hugo to talk to him about this.

 

When Hugo finally stumbled out of his room at 6pm Felix had long forgotten about the note and only remembered it when they spoke about their party at uni the next day. It was sunny outside and they sat on the stairs and smoked. Hugo and Felix both smoked twice as much as they had back in London.

 

“Man, you wouldn’t believe what I found yesterday! A little note written by a stranger! I can’t remember what it said though. But that was already the second one!,” Felix told his friends excitedly but no one cared.

 

“So you’re writing notes now? That’s cuuuute!,” said Hugo and continued making sketches that were supposed to be his homework.

 

“It’s not me writing them, Hu! But I know it’s kinda immature! But it’s not me writing them! I’m just on the receiving end of some anonymous love! Hehe, I like receiving… Hey, maybe it’s Llew or Shiannon…? I think they might fancy me… I was getting some pretty good vibes at the party…,” Felix told everyone proudly.

 

“Oh, I was getting different vibes when I saw them making out in our kitchen. Felix, they are gay And so are you, if I remember correctly? Or else that big-gay-freakout a few years ago would have been hella useless, if you ask me,” Hugo corrected his brother.

 

“Yeah you’re right. I just have to keep all my options open you know… Someone here wants my D and I want to know who writes these sneaky messages!”

 

“Oh Fe, get off your high horse! This isn’t primary school! Sometimes I wonder who is the older one of us…”

 

“Hugo, don’t be such a sassy tart! I didn’t wait two years for you to ruin my uni romance!”

 

“Ugh, you talk way too much, I can’t concentrate! Come Lando, we’re leaving!,” Hugo said and the other boy followed him wordlessly.

 

Felix frowned. Lando? Orlando? He hadn’t noticed how close his brother and this quiet boy had gotten. Maybe something had happened between them at the party and Felix was too focused on his own problems to notice? Maybe that was why Hugo was so pissy with him?

But why didn’t Hugo tell him? They always told each other everything!

Felix felt a hint of jealously in his chest. He felt excluded but he didn’t know from what. Maybe he should forget this stupid prank that someone was playing him and do more with his brother and their friends. Sam and Rupert’s party was next week, this time he would stay sober (or just not sooo drunk) and figure out what game everyone was playing.


	3. Chapter 3

Felix sat at the kitchen table and pretended to read texts for his course tomorrow when Hugo came back from uni.

 

“Felix, this is not funny anymore. Tell your little lover that I’m not the runner!“

 

“What are you talking about, Hu?,” Felix asked confused and took off his glasses. He only wore them when he wanted to look clever or pretended to learn for school. Unfortunately some strands of his hair didn’t want to let go of the glasses and held on to them tightly. Felix sighed annoyed. He usually let his hair do what it wanted but this was just too much. He had to rip out the last few hairs that were knotted around the metal.

 

“This was in my bag today. At first I thought it was for me and someone just likes to play pranks but it is addressed to you! But whoever writes this has figured you out perfectly!,” said Hugo with a grin.

 

“Huh? What does it say?,” Felix asked curiously.

 

“Read for yourself!”

 

 

_I hope to God you’re not as dumb as you made out_

 

 

“What…what is that supposed to mean?,” Felix asked shocked. He thought these were cute love letters and not some mean horoscopes.

 

“I’m not dumb!,” he added genuinely hurt and upset.

 

“Someone clearly thinks so and finds it so important to tell you that he even smuggles little notes into my bag! I want a muffin. Do we have any muffins left?”

 

“This person can’t really think that I’m dumb…right? Hu? I am not… dumb? I am at university! I study! I am a big brother and I take care of people!”

 

“Fe? I think that’s what they meant by  _dumb_ … You sometimes say … _dumb_ things,” Hugo said slowly and then quickly bent over to escape the pair of dirty socks that Felix attempted to throw at him.

 

“I hate you! I hate you all!”

 

 

 

The week passed quickly without another note and Felix was almost a little bit disappointed. Had they lost their interest in him? Was he really that annoying and dumb?

Thankfully there was Sam’s and Rupert’s party on Saturday, a chance to forget his worries and drink his feelings away.

But just like everything in Felix’s life, it didn’t go as planned and so he ended up in the backyard smoking and drinking in the the quiet presence of Orlando. Felix had forgotten his cigarettes but Orlando had offered to share his.

 

“You… Orlando. I like you. You are quiet but you are always there. I can see why Hugo likes you. You are a lot alike. I hope you’re not as sassy as him though. That can get a little annoying sometimes, trust me. But he is alright I guess…,” Felix babbled drunkenly and Orlando listened.

 

Orlando offered him his cigarettes again and Felix took this as his clue to shut up. Instead of talking on, he took the time to look at Orlando properly for the first time. The boy was, even though he was a year older, even shorter than Felix. He had one ear pierced, which would be cute if it wasn’t so artsy fartsy.

He also had a cute nose. And warm, brown bambi eyes that were so different from Hugo’s. Felix shook his head. Why hadn’t he noticed how pretty his little brother’s best friend was. It was probably the fault of the little notes that had distracted Felix from the beauty that was the man next to him.

Since Felix had shut up for a while now, Orlando had taken turn in talking. Felix could listen to the velvet-like voice for the whole night. The only thing that he would want to do even more was kissing these lips that were always curled upwards a little.

 

“… I’m bored,” finished Orlando and looked at Felix expectantly. The younger man cursed himself for being so distracted by Orlando’s beauty and not having paid attention to what the other man had said. His close to non-existent attention span had fucked everything up again. Maybe it was his time to take the initiative.

 

“You’re bored, huh? How about we do something like this…,” Felix said seductively and put his lips on Orlando’s. Unfortunately that went everything but smoothly and their noses bumped together. Orlando’s lips felt perfect under Felix’s but the younger man was confused when Orlando didn’t respond to the kiss, gently pushed him away rather, so he pulled away.

 

“What’s wrong? Please don’t tell me I’m a bad kisser… I can handle people thinking I’m dumb but this would be too much…,” Felix said and sounded genuinely hurt by Orlando’s rejection.

 

“No, no, it’s just… I was surprised. I was talking about this band that was just playing. And my favourite song by this band is called  _I’m bored_ and then you suddenly kissed me and I… I wasn’t prepared. But you should warn people when you try to kiss them, you know? This scene is very hum-drum…,” Orlando stuttered.

 

“Oh. Ok. Uhm, I think I should be going. Looking for my brother, you know?,” Felix mumbled and got up. This was so not his week. He needed to run away to hide how much this had hurt his feelings. He thought he and Orlando shared some mutual attraction towards each other.

 

“Felix, wait! That’s not what I meant, I…”

 

But Felix didn’t hear what Orlando tried to say, he was already on his way to find some more alcohol. Hugo wouldn’t need him. No one needed him. It was okay to always make jokes of him.

 

 

 

The next day he woke up terribly hangover and on Sam’s couch. His hand was curled into a fist and in his palm there was a little note. Again. Felix sighed.

 

 

_I hope to God I’m not as numb as you make out_

 

 

Felix threw the note away. That was even more cryptic than the other ones!

But then he rolled himself off the couch and fell onto the hard floor. He reached out for the small paper and stuffed it inside his trousers where he collected all the other notes. Of course he would never tell anyone but it made him feel good to have them with him all the time.

 

Felix didn’t remember what had happened last night but it made him feel bad anyway. The whole Sunday he spent moping in his room and even Hugo was a little bit concerned. This wasn’t like Felix at all.

Matt made use of the situation and dedicated Felix a song:

 

“Truuuuuuust in all you know……!” Felix would have been touched if he hadn’t heard that song a hundred times before.

 

The older brother’s mood didn’t change the next day when they rode to uni together.

At the bike station Orlando, Llew and Shiannon were waiting for them. Or more like waiting for Hugo. I don’t have any friends, Felix thought to himself.

 

“Good morning, Felix, how are you feeling?,” Orlando asked him with a shy smile as Felix locked his bike.

 

“Like shit. Thanks for asking,” he replied sarcastically and didn’t look at Orlando again. In his emo mood he didn’t realise that this was the first time Orlando had directly addressed him.

 

“Oh… That’s not nice…,” Orlando stuttered.

 

“Sorry, I have to hurry! See you later!,” Felix said quickly before the other could notice his bad mood. He knew from experience that people often couldn’t handle him when he wasn’t his usual cheery and happy self that everyone adored.

 

His mood was so bad that he almost fell asleep in class because he couldn’t concentrate on what his professor was talking about. When he was just about to doze off he felt his mobile vibrate in his pocket. Maybe it was Hugo cheering him up. Their brotherly bond was so strong that they could sometimes sense when the other one wasn’t feeling well.

But it wasn’t Hugo. It was an unknown number and if the text had a handwriting Felix would have known for sure what that writing had looked like.

 

 

_When I next saw you_

_My heart reached out for you_

 

 

That was a text by the same person who was writing the little notes. Felix sighed and put his mobile back in his pocket. He didn’t even bother to waste thoughts on how this person could have gotten his number. He just imagined someone’s heart reaching out to him and that cheered him up a little as if he could feel the presence of the other person. He felt less alone this way.

 

When his classes were finally over and he walked to their bikes he was surprised to find not Hugo but Orlando waiting for him.

 

“Hey Felix… Hugo told me to tell you that he didn’t feel good and went home earlier. So you don’t have to wait for him.”  
  


“Oh ok. He could have told me! I feel like shit and now I have to ride home alone. I just want everything to go back to normal! I feel so stupid, Orlando… What is wrong with me?”

 

“Felix, don’t think like that. Just have a rest or something and try to clear your head, okay? We can’t stand seeing you like this…”

 

“Aw, Orlando, you are so cute. Can I swap you for my brother? Anyway, I guess I have to go now…,” said Felix but made no intention to actually ride away. Instead he waited for Orlando to say something. But the shy boy’s mouth stayed closed. Felix sighed and looked one last time at the other man, who was smiling his typical smile at him now. Felix stared a moment too long at the beautifully formed lips before his head started to spin and he finally turned around and drove away.

He was feeling a little bit better when he arrived at their flat.

Five minutes after he had arrived he felt his mobile vibrating again. With shaky hands he pulled it out of his pocket. His heart started to race when he saw that it was a text by the unknown number again.

 

 

_But my arms were glued to my side_

 

 

Felix didn’t even try to decipher the message this time, he was just happy that it was there. It just gave him the feeling that there was someone, somewhere thinking of him.

A hug would be nice now. On tiptoes Felix walked into Hugo’s room and looked at his younger brother, who was fast asleep in his bed. Without thinking about it, Felix took off his shoes and socks and lay next to his brother. He put an arm around Hugo and pulled the younger one close to his chest. Feeling at ease for the first time in the last few days Felix quickly drifted off to sleep.

He dreamt of the mysterious person and the second ever note he got from that person.  _If I could have held you, I would have held you._ Hugo stirred in his sleep and Felix nuzzled his nose in Hugo’s neck. He longed for someone to hold him, too, but being close to his brother was enough for now.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Felix felt slightly better even though Hugo had called him a baby for crawling into bed with him. Felix’s only response had been a hair ruffle because he knew that his brother didn’t mean it that way. After all Hugo had suggested that they could share a bedroom and save money on rent when they had started looking for flats in Brighton.

 

Their friends already awaited them, they had been worried after both White brothers had been in such a bad mood yesterday, and were happy now that they seemed to feel better. They were all early (the pre-uni-cig break had become a thing for them) and sat on the stairs again. Llew and Shiannon wasted no time and attacked each other’s lips. After they had gotten to know the Brighton attitude they made no big deal out of hiding their relationship anymore. No one really cared anyway, except for some jealous lads that were pissed that the hottest girls in their school were taken.

Just like every morning Hugo was busy with copying Orlando’s notes or making some own sketches to hand in the last moment. Sam and Rupert were planning their fishing trip for the next week and generally everyone was ignoring Felix or not giving him enough attention. Felix didn’t like this at all.

 

“Uh yeah, I got two texts yesterday from my secret lover. It was cute but also a bit silly. And creepy. Where have they gotten my number from anyway?”

 

No one cared for Felix’s rambling.

 

“Oh shut up Felix, we all know you write those little notes yourself!,” replied Llew before Shiannon could kiss her again.

 

“Pffff. Orlando, you are on my side, right? You don’t think I wrote them myself, do you? I would never do such a childish thing!”

 

“Uhm, no?”

 

“Heeeey! Maybe you wrote them! Come on, admit it!,” Felix teased his shy friend.

 

“Uhm no, I didn’t? You talk to me all the time why would I…write you…,” Orlando objected.

 

“I don’t trust you… Hugo, did you give Orlando my mobile number?”

 

“What? Uhm, no. I don’t even know your number. Or mine, to be honest,” Hugo said without looking up from his pad. Felix knew his brother and knew that this was true.

 

“Okay, it wasn’t you, Orlando. I believe you. You wouldn’t even think of doing such a ridiculous thing, you are way too mature and cool anyway.”

Orlando swallowed and nodded. The older boy didn’t understand that this had been Felix’s way of telling someone that he liked them.

Felix only realised how much he liked Orlando in that second. The whole drama with the notes and secret letters and texts had confused him and distracted him from the people around him. He’d barely had the time to genuinely value Orlando’s quiet but calming presence. Suddenly Felix felt bad for only thinking of Orlando as his little brother’s friend and not trying to get to know him better. That would change now. Shamelessly he stared at the older man until Orlando started to twitch under Felix’s intense glare.

 

“Oh it’s time, already. Come on, Hugo, we have to go!”

 

“But I’m not done yet!”

 

“Doesn’t matter. I lied to you, we only have to hand them in next week but I knew you would never do them in time if I hadn’t lied to you.”

 

“I hate you but I also love you, Orlando,” confessed Hugo.

 

“Yeah, then come now!”

 

 

A few hours later the group of friends sat on their usual spot on the stairs again and enjoyed their lunch break. Technically Felix could go home already, he had no more lessons today, but he wanted to hang around and get to know Orlando better.

But just like everything in his life this didn’t go according to plan as Paul, a guy from Felix’s class, kept talking to him about something class-related and made no intention to ever leave Felix. So he had no other choice than to observe Orlando scribbling into his notebook from the distance.

After ten minutes Felix got so annoyed that he simply went away and left Paul standing there with his mouth open. Felix didn’t give a single fuck and dropped down next to Orlando. With nothing to do he searched for his mobile in case someone had written him again.

When he couldn’t find it in his pockets, he looked in his bag. He did not only find his mobile, he also found another handwritten note again.

 

 

_I’d rather choke than swallow my pride_

 

 

“Fucking hell!,” he exclaimed loudly. Orlando raised his head.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I got another note!”

 

“Yeah, so what?,” Orlando asked without being particularly interested.

 

“So what?! There is this girl. Or guy. And heshe keeps molesting me and writing me messages and stalking my phone number and I don’t want that! Why can’t they just come to me and talk to my face? Maybe I smell bad? Do I smell bad, Orlando?”

 

“Uhm, no?”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

“Uhm maybe…You can be… Sometimes you are a bit loud and obnoxious and talk so much that other people…don’t have the chance to say anything?”

 

“That’s absurd, Orlando! Look, you’re talking right now, so that can’t be true! And if I have gotten a little mad sometimes then it’s just because of those damn notes! HEY YOU! Wherever you are right now, you can come out now and talk to me! I won’t bite, I promise!,” Felix screamed. But of course there was no answer.

 

“Oh Lando, I don’t mean to be that mean, you know? I just wished that person would come to me and we could finally talk. They are quite persistent if they still think I’m worthy of their attention. They should be writing me death threats…”

 

“Uhm. Why are you still here, by the way? Don’t you have somewhere to be?,” Orlando asked.

 

“Great. Not even you want to talk to me. Okay, I’m leaving. Bye. See ya tomorrow!,” Felix said and got up to get to his bike.

 

“Wait Felix, that’s not what I meant! Come back!”

 

But Felix didn’t listen to him.

 

When he arrived home he discovered that he had a new message on his phone.

 

 

_And there was times I’d take my pen_

_And feel obliged to start again_

 

 

“I have no nerve for your stupid shit!,” Felix screamed and threw his mobile on the kitchen desk. “Don’t you see I have more important things, more important people in my life? People who actually dare to talk to my face? People who are annoyed of me because of you!”

 

The phone vibrated again.

 

 

_I do profess_

_That there are things in life_

_That one can’t quite express_

 

 

“Yeah, that’s fucking great for you, you stupid git! Maybe I can’t express some things, too! For example that I might fancy Orlando a little more than I thought. But every time I want to get to know him better you get in the way!,” he screamed at his phone again. Thankfully Hugo and Robert were still at uni. Hopefully no one felt like peeking through the window to see him yelling at an inanimate object.

 

The phone vibrated again.

 

“Argh!”

 

 

_You know me, I’m acting dumb, dumb_

 

 

“Yes! Yes, you are! And I don’t know you. I thought I was the dumb one!,” Felix shouted and was suddenly reminded of the party where he had tried to kiss Orlando. How perfect these lips had felt on his own and how much he wanted to feel that again.

 

 

_You know, this scene is very hum-drum_

 

 

Felix froze. He had heard that sentence before. But where?

 

 

_And my favourite song is entitled ‘boredom’_

 

 

“Orlando.”

 

That idiot had lied to him! Felix was 100% percent sure that it was Orlando all along who was writing him the notes! He needed to talk to the man asap! Even if that meant cycling back to uni and wait till his afternoon course had finished.

 

Felix tore open the front door and was ready to jump on his bike to ride back to uni and pull Orlando out of his course to make the older one finally be honest with him when he suddenly found Orlando standing in front of him. Orlando’s head was red and there was a sheepish smile on his lips. Felix gasped like a fish on land.

 

“Are you…Wait is that Hugo’s bike?”

 

“What? Uhm…Yeah. I borrowed it. His code is your birthday. But you’re asking the wrong questions again, Fe…”

 

“Uhm yeah, we really need to work on our communication. Do you want to come inside?”

 

“Yeah that would be…lovely,” Orlando replied and looked down at his feet.

 

The two of them went inside and it was terribly awkward. An unknown territory for Felix White.

 

“So you’ve been writing me those little notes all along?,” Felix asked, trying not to sound rude or dumb or loud or all these other things that Orlando had accused him of.

 

“Uhm yeah.”

 

“Can I ask why?”

 

“Yeah, well, I don’t really know. At first it was just a one time thing. It was the first day and I was sitting next to Hugo and he told me all about his fantastic brother and you waited two years for him. That amazed me. My brothers would have never done such a thing for me. And then after class I saw you standing there, waiting in the rain for your brother even though you could have just left or find a dry place to wait. But no, you kept the word you gave your brother. And then I just got the crazy idea to write you that note. I work near your flat, by the way, in the Oxfam Store.”

 

For the first time in his life Felix was truly speechless. It was hard for him to believe that such a little gesture like waiting for his brother could mean so much to Orlando.

 

“And then everything kinda got out of control. I can’t really explain. And oh, it was Robert who gave me your number, not Hugo.”

 

“That traitor!,” Felix laughed. Suddenly he felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

 

“I think this turned out pretty well for the both of us, right? But do you really think I’m dumb?,” Felix asked with a pout on the lips.

 

“No, of course not! Well, maybe a bit. Sometimes. Not really. Yeah, well. But I’m dumb, too, so we could be dumb together?,” Orlando asked with a small smile on his face. It took Felix all of his self control to not pull the beautiful but slightly weird man in front of him into a tight hug or steal a quick kiss. His chest wanted to burst with love for this character. But he wouldn’t give in so quickly.

 

“If this is your way of asking me out…”

 

“Uhmm…”

 

“Or maybe you need a piece of paper? Dear Felix, do you wanna go out with me, yes, no, maybe, I like puppies.”

 

“Felix, stop it!,” Orlando giggled and hinted a slap.

 

“Oi! Then say it now, Lando!”

 

“Okay, do you wanna go out with me, Felix?”

 

“Yes. Of course! Finally!”

 

“There is another thing I wanted to ask you, Fe…”

 

“What is it, Land?”

 

“Can I kiss you? You know, I kinda hate myself for pushing you away at the party at Rupert and Sam’s…”

 

“Oh god, yes, go for it!”

 

Felix could barely finish his sentence before he felt a familiar pair of lips on his own. This time they felt even better because they were responding to him and demanding more and more. Felix would have never expected Orlando to be so straight-forward. He put his hands on Orlando’s hips and pulled the older one closer.

They only parted when they had to catch their breath.

 

“You know what’s also good?,” asked Orlando breathlessly. “I stole Hugo’s bike so it takes him at least another 30 minutes to walk here…”

 

“Oh yes very good, I like you!,” gasped Felix and was attacked by Orlando’s lips again.


End file.
